"If you're not aware of other people's preferences, you think you're being kind and understanding while bulldozing over their feelings." (Liz & Mollie, No Hard Feelings)
Some might like surprises, but some might not. With the likes of public announcements of surprise promotions, some might enjoy the moment tremendously, while some might feel bulldozed over by a plethora of emotions and confusion.
There was a screening of a documentary and I was asked to give my thoughts and feedback after. I delivered my piece so terribly. Voice shaking, complete with stuttering and sweaty palms. I just wanted to hide immediately after. I hated speaking in front of a crowd. I feared presentations and dreaded making small talk. With not much time to recover after speaking horribly, we (I and the 2 other creatives who spoke) were asked to stay in front and that was when the surprise promotions were announced.
Please don't get me wrong. My superiors are amazing. I love them. I am very thankful for their trust and for the promotion. I just felt so confused at that moment that I had to understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling.
I remember going out for air (and away from everyone else) when colleagues started approaching me to say congratulations. Some asked if I was alright and our CEO asked why I looked more mad that happy. I couldn't even remember how I reacted or how I responded. But what gave me calm were two people who told me at separate times, "I really love what you said, it's very very true." If you'd like to know, this was what I said (or the essence of it anyway) on my thoughts on Art and Copy:
"Watching this documentary, seeing all these bold, brave, ballsy advertising greats— I just came to realize that I am nothing like them. Yet I am here. All these ad men bragging about how they are and will always be able to crack a brief in so and so little time, oozing with confidence borderlining cockiness, is totally unlike me (exhibit A, my trembling voice as I speak). But I strongly believe I do not have to be like them to be great. It's important that I do what I do best, how I do best. To inject my own personality and style in what I do, because that's where I will be unique and that's where I will stand out."
This made the world's bias towards extroversion clear. For example:
- surprises are always awesome
- being in the limelight is what makes one feel valued
- you have to be bold and loud to become a great leader
- fear nothing— no deadlines, no presentations, no challenge should rattle you
- and the list goes on
This made me question myself. Am I worthy to even be one step closer to being a leader when I'm not even half the leader they expect me to be? But questioning myself turned out to be good for me. In finding out what I am not, I discovered who I am.
And in discovering who I am, I got to know more and more people who are like me.
And in discovering more and more people who are like me, I realized that I wasn't alone in my struggles. When you find people dealing with similar challenges, you naturally build empathy towards each other (raise your hands silently, introverts!) and together you amplify each other's voice.
"Self-knowledge matters so much because it is only on the basis of an accurate sense of who we are that we can make reliable decisions— particularly around love and work." (The School of Life, Self-Knowledge)
Discovering the power of self-knowledge, particularly when it comes to my temperament, my introversion, is liberating because what I used to think were flaws are in fact just a natural part of who I am. Knowing that being quiet, observant, and reserved aren't wrong and that gave me the confidence to find ways on how I can exert myself in this extrovert-biased world without having to change the very core of my human nature.
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