An introvert's survival guide in a world of extroverts.
"Have an inner sense of entitlement to be who you are."
"Once you’re comfortable in your own skin you start to organize your life differently. Don’t make apologies or pretend to be someone you are not. This could include scheduling some quiet time alone after a busy day of meetings or closing your office door for some deep reflection. Stay connected with people and avoid total isolation. Your ideas matter and you have a lot to bring to the table."
- The Reason Introverts Make Better Leaders, Huffpost
It can be a struggle and can get really tiring to keep up with the extroverted standards of society, especially in the professional world (and most especially in the advertising and media industry). Being an introvert can be like being a sheep in a wolf's clothing. We feel like we have to pretend to belong.
More often than not, society has a biased association between boisterous & bold with great & brilliant; that the one speaking faster and louder has a better idea than the one talking slowly and softly. But this isn't always true, and introverts only need the right environment and enough self-knowledge in order to thrive.
"To succeed as leaders, introverts may have to overcome a strong cultural bias. In a 2006 survey, 65% of senior corporate executives viewed introversion as a barrier to leadership, and other studies have shown that highly extroverted U.S. presidents are perceived as more effective." - Harvard Business Review
"It’s conventional wisdom that’s supported by a decade of academic research: Extroverts make the best leaders. These people—dominant and outgoing—are favoured in hiring and promotion decisions, and they’re perceived to be more effective by supervisors and subordinates alike. But our research suggests that in certain situations, an introvert may make the better boss. [...] While it’s often true that extroverts make the best bosses and proactive employees make the best workers, combining the two can be a recipe for failure. Soft spoken leaders may get the most out of proactive employees—so save the outgoing, talkative managers for teams that function best when they’re told what to do."
- The Hidden Advantages of Quiet Bosses, Harvard Business Review
Inc. supports this and states in an article that "Science is continually proving that assumption false, and Harvard Business Review research has shown that introverts are more effective leaders in complex and unpredictable settings. In fact, introverts are uniquely suited to navigate situations that extroverts can't, and that quiet leadership is often critical to a company's long-term success."
The rise in supporting studies and facts on introverted leaders are enlightening and encouraging. But before becoming great leaders, how do we actually survive and discover our soft power? While there are so many ways to do so and it will be different from one introvert to another for sure, I'd like to share some ways that help me.
Know yourself & do not apologize for being you
Unless you are using your temperament to skirt around responsibilities and avoid tasks, there is no reason to feel bad about being who you are. Temperament is a natural part of being a human, and knowing yourself and which temperament you fall under is important because, well, I don't have any other way to put it than: so you'll know how to live your life and be the person that will make you the happiest and most content. "It matters because introversion and extroversion lie at the heart of human nature. One scientist refers to them as “the north and south of temperament.” When you make life choices that are congruent with your temperament—and allow others to do the same—you unleash vast stores of energy. Conversely, when you spend too much time battling your own nature, the opposite happens: you deplete yourself. "
Find your tribe
While it is very uncharacteristic for introverts to proclaim our introversion and rally around it, I found embracing my introversion to have naturally paved the way for me to meet and discover fellow introverts and build relationships with them. Some of them have always been in my circle all along, and we just never knew because we were all trying to put up this extroverted front for the sake of social and professional belonging. Finding individuals who totally understand both your preferences and your struggles is such a comforting thing. Validation is one great feeling that comes out of it, but the best thing about finding my tribe was the feeling of being normal, and that I am not a walking, talking, awkward flaw— because as it turns out, I discovered that I was not the only one.
Do what works for you
I've mentioned earlier that you shouldn't use your temperament as an excuse to NOT do things. There are responsibilities in life and at work that we cannot escape just because we have a difficult time doing them. What I found very useful at work after I embraced my introversion was being open to my supervisor about it. But I didn't stop there. I found ways to work around my weaknesses while having the support of my supervisors and teammates. For example, to lessen my anxiety during presentations, I would practice and prepare thoroughly and I would always have presenter notes— whether in the deck or written, I knew I needed a script just in case my mind suddenly realizes that I am speaking in front of people and blanks out as a reaction. And so I was allowed to carry notes all the time, even though a lot of "greats" in the industry really knew how to put up a good show on the fly— without a script, without notes. But well, I can't. Not without notes. So even in contexts outside "notes" and "presentations" I've learned to follow and do what works for me, even if it's not the common practice. And that in every difficulty I encounter, I can always find my own unique way around it. If it delivers results, chances are, no one will go against your ways. Which leads me to my next point:
Make your work speak for you
After discovering techniques that help me, I now focus on the work itself. I do not see introversion as a flaw, but I've come to see it as a push or a driving force to even do better at work. It was almost as if I want my work to speak for myself. If I can't do much of the talking, I want to prove my strengths through my output. I aim to make my work and the results of my work earn me enough respect and trust that in the few times that I want to make a point or that I want to stand up for something, people listen not because of my loud voice or overpowering presence, but because of the integrity they've seen and felt with what I've been able to do and what I'm capable of doing.
"In a gentle way, you can shake the world” words spoken by Mahatma Gandhi. One out of every two to three people are introverts and in this powerful talk, Susan Cain speaks of her mission to train more quiet leaders and have the world cultivate an appreciation for more introspective action takers."
Find your extrovert
After finding yourself and finding your tribe, finding your extrovert also puts a good balance into your life. I energize by keeping to myself and reading a good book, while my husband find joy and replenishes his vibe by being around people and meeting others. While we are very different in so many ways, we ground and complement each other so well. I have him to hide behind parties, and he has me to pull him back to the ground. At work, this kind of Yin and Yang dynamics work great as well. My supervisor is as extroverted as extroverts can get, and we've been able to find a balance that plays on each other's strengths and supports each other's weaknesses.
"It’s not immediately obvious whether someone is an introvert or an extrovert, especially when you’re just getting to know each other. In the workplace, introverts often try to mask their introverted qualities to fit in. But without talking openly about differences, extroverts and introverts drive each other nuts. Introverts are more sensitive to external stimuli (an introvert will salivate more at the taste of lemon juice than an extrovert, as Susan Cain explained in Quiet) and need quiet time to recharge. When introverts turn down lunch invitations or start to shut down after back-to-back meetings, it can be hard for extroverts to swallow." - Quietrev.com (click on the link for some useful tips on how introverts and extroverts can communicate effectively with each other)
"If you look at some of the best performing companies, what you often find are introverts and extroverts who are working together really well. So one of my favourite examples is Mark Zuckerberg and Sheryl Sandberg at Facebook" - Susan Cain, Leading Introverts for London Business Forum (watch the last video posted below for complete clip)
Because no one can explain introversion better than one of my idols, Susan Cain, I would like to end this article by sharing two insightful videos of Susan Cain talking about the soft power of introverts and how introverts can become effective leaders. Enjoy!
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